Touching Hair
Many Black women I know have complained about Spaniards
touching their hair and I normally just listened assuming that it would never
happen to me because I normally keep my hair cut short (so that my receding
hairline isn’t as visible).
Then it happened. Last month, I went to a Roman Festival in
a nearby town in Galicia. My friends and I were staying at a friend of a friend’s
house. They were excellent hosts and
also had one of the most comfortable beds I had ever slept in.
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| My Roman costume |
While I was getting dressed for the festival in my Roman
costume, I had a few problems so our host helped to patch me up with some
safety pins. Afterwards she handed me a safety pin to keep on me, just in case
over the course of the evening, I needed to fix up my costume. My costume did
not have any pockets on it and I did not like the idea of having a safety pin
in my pocket. So I tried to make it disappear in my hair since I had been
growing it out since January. Upon seeing me hiding the safety clip, our host
got excited about how my hair moved and could hide things. She then quickly approached me and grabbed my
hair remarking about how amazing it was while she touched all over it. I
honestly had no idea of how to respond. I was confused because she just took
the liberty to touch my hair, amused because it seemed like she had never
touched hair like mine, and also a bit taken aback because she should not have
just touched my hair without my permission.
I had no idea of how to react because I did not want to say something
offensive to the friend of a friend who would be hosting us.
This event reminded me of where something similar in the US
happened where one of my suite-mates my first year in college wanted to touch my hair. The difference being he asked me and I said
yes, and he loved the feel of it because it felt like carpet.
My overall confusion in both cases is why do folks feel the
need to touch stranger’s other people’s hair? I have never in my life
grabbed at the hair of another stranger’s person and the idea has never
occurred to me as an adult. I don’t have
a lingering curiosity as to how a straight-haired person’s hair feels. I have
never been interested in knowing it.
In the case with the Spanish woman, I sincerely thought, how
would she respond if I hosted her in my flat and just randomly touched her hair
after I saw her putting in a hair clip?
I imagine in the same way I felt and she would then be writing this post.
In Spain, many folks would argue that it’s just pure
curiosity but that’s not a good reason.
Curiosity does not mean you can take liberties to touch stranger’s
another person’s hair. We’re adults, most of our parents taught us to not touch
things that aren’t ours. Curiosity only
means that something is of interest you but if you’re interested in touching
someone else’s hair, then you need to ask for permission as the American did. For
example, if you’re curious about a stranger’s car, do you just touch it and hop
in or do you ask for permission to check it out? If you’re in a stranger’s
house and you see an interesting picture, do you just grab the picture or do
you ask the homeowner to see the picture? If someone in the stall next to yours
in the bathroom is playing music, do you open their stall door and grab their
cellphone? Hopefully by asking for permission, you can feel the awkwardness and
discomfort of your question much the same way a person would feel if you were
to just touch their hair without permission.
Now do I think the woman is racist for wanting to touch my
hair? Nope. I think her touching my hair
without asking was an oversight on her part and afterwards I think she realized
her mistake by the look of confusion on my face. I couldn’t even begin to fathom being a Black
woman in Spain and just having folks constantly touch your hair. Kudos to y’all
because I couldn’t handle that many more instances like this one.
