Touching Hair

Touching Hair

Many Black women I know have complained about Spaniards touching their hair and I normally just listened assuming that it would never happen to me because I normally keep my hair cut short (so that my receding hairline isn’t as visible).

Then it happened. Last month, I went to a Roman Festival in a nearby town in Galicia. My friends and I were staying at a friend of a friend’s house.  They were excellent hosts and also had one of the most comfortable beds I had ever slept in.

My Roman costume

While I was getting dressed for the festival in my Roman costume, I had a few problems so our host helped to patch me up with some safety pins. Afterwards she handed me a safety pin to keep on me, just in case over the course of the evening, I needed to fix up my costume. My costume did not have any pockets on it and I did not like the idea of having a safety pin in my pocket. So I tried to make it disappear in my hair since I had been growing it out since January. Upon seeing me hiding the safety clip, our host got excited about how my hair moved and could hide things.  She then quickly approached me and grabbed my hair remarking about how amazing it was while she touched all over it. I honestly had no idea of how to respond. I was confused because she just took the liberty to touch my hair, amused because it seemed like she had never touched hair like mine, and also a bit taken aback because she should not have just touched my hair without my permission.   I had no idea of how to react because I did not want to say something offensive to the friend of a friend who would be hosting us.

This event reminded me of where something similar in the US happened where one of my suite-mates my first year in college wanted to touch my hair.  The difference being he asked me and I said yes, and he loved the feel of it because it felt like carpet.

My overall confusion in both cases is why do folks feel the need to touch stranger’s other people’s hair? I have never in my life grabbed at the hair of another stranger’s person and the idea has never occurred to me as an adult.  I don’t have a lingering curiosity as to how a straight-haired person’s hair feels. I have never been interested in knowing it.

In the case with the Spanish woman, I sincerely thought, how would she respond if I hosted her in my flat and just randomly touched her hair after I saw her putting in a hair clip?  I imagine in the same way I felt and she would then be writing this post. 

In Spain, many folks would argue that it’s just pure curiosity but that’s not a good reason.  Curiosity does not mean you can take liberties to touch stranger’s another person’s hair. We’re adults, most of our parents taught us to not touch things that aren’t ours.  Curiosity only means that something is of interest you but if you’re interested in touching someone else’s hair, then you need to ask for permission as the American did. For example, if you’re curious about a stranger’s car, do you just touch it and hop in or do you ask for permission to check it out? If you’re in a stranger’s house and you see an interesting picture, do you just grab the picture or do you ask the homeowner to see the picture? If someone in the stall next to yours in the bathroom is playing music, do you open their stall door and grab their cellphone? Hopefully by asking for permission, you can feel the awkwardness and discomfort of your question much the same way a person would feel if you were to just touch their hair without permission.

Now do I think the woman is racist for wanting to touch my hair? Nope.  I think her touching my hair without asking was an oversight on her part and afterwards I think she realized her mistake by the look of confusion on my face.  I couldn’t even begin to fathom being a Black woman in Spain and just having folks constantly touch your hair. Kudos to y’all because I couldn’t handle that many more instances like this one.